Some days, I’m pretty cool. I am confident, unshakable. My shit is together. Then, there are the other kind of days. Take today, for example.
It started out okay. Then, I got out of bed. Back spasms seized me from every direction. I couldn’t stand. I couldn’t sit. And I had to pee. Badly. Do you know how difficult it is to aim for the toilet while contorted into a semi-pretzel shape? I don’t recommend it. Did I mention that we’re camping and the bathroom is 24 inches wide? Good times.
Old age – 1
Babs – 0
I drank 2 liters of coffee and swallowed a handful of Ibuprofen, then it was time to get dressed. Knowing we would eventually be heading to the pool, I decided to save the time and trouble of dressing twice. Gingerly, I put on my bathing suit. I can only compare the experience to that of making sausage. Thank God for the miracle of Lycra. I stuffed everything in it’s appropriate place (or as close as humanly possible) and exhaled. Then, I caught an accidental glimpse in the mirror. The horror! I squeezed my eyes shut, fighting off a wave of suicidal thoughts. I grabbed my cover-up. And hung it over the damned mirror.
Cellulite – 2
Babs – 0
At the pool, I set up my chair in the shade, determined to avoid any further attention. I cautiously lowered my butt into the chair, praying my back would not spasm until I was securely in position. No sooner had I gotten comfy, when a bumble bee the size of the Hindenburg decided to use me for target practice. I flailed about like a human windmill while a precious little girl wearing swimmies pointed at me and shrieked, “It’s on your back!” So much for garnering no attention. Or preventing back spasms. I resumed the pretzel position, poolside.
Mother Nature – 3
Babs – 0
Once I had recovered from the bombardiering bee, I decided to take a swim and cool off. Hoping the buoyancy would relieve the back pain, I inched into the frigid water. (I swear I saw ice in the deep end). It actually felt pretty good. I swam a bit and warmed up. I even frolicked with the grandkid. That is, until he decided we were playing a game in which I was assigned the role of the Beluga whale. Gently, I offered him the important advice that women generally do not appreciate being called whales – Particularly when they are wearing a bathing suit.
Grandkid – 4
Babs’ self confidence – 0
Finally, the kid is in bed. I’m sitting by the campfire with a glass of wine. Just me and what I’d guess to be about 16,000 gypsy moths. Their fuzzy little brown wings beat at my ears, flutter in my armpits, get caught in my hair. Eventually, they drive me inside the camper, where I read and drink my wine in peace. From my bed, I unzip the canvas and look up at a star filled sky while I think about what we’ll do tomorrow. The perfect ending to an imperfect day.
Some days you win, some days…. I am grateful for my sense of humor!
Ahhhh….getting old sucks you definitely need a sense of humor my friend. Hope your back is better today and a word to the wise avoid mirrors today at all cost!
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Humor gets us thru a lot – As you know!!! Feeling much better, thanks!!
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Oh my, I can so relate to what you were feeling! Especially the sausage/bathing suit analogy! Your humor alone won the battle! Good for you Barb!
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Thanks, Candace! I guess it’s a middle age thing!!
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Sooo have been there!! Gazing at the stars on a clear night helps a lot. Enjoy😄😄
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Nothing like a little perspective!!!
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Have I told you lately that I love you…???(isn’t that a song…or a new title for a blog)….you make me laugh !!!!
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It’s mutual – Love you, too, my friend! You can sing it to me in about a week!!
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I just love the way you tell a story! I can picture it all. Hope your back is better today!
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Much better – Thanks!!!!
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Barbita, you are too funny. No mirrors or gypsy moths at the Cape. Only wine, beach and stars. And friends. And nuns. And Victor.
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Oh, I can hardly wait!!! We can all make sausage together!!!
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Although I felt a bit guilty laughing at your descriptions, I just couldn’t help it, especially the “precious little girl” and the grandkid/whale thing. I think we’ve all had days like yours and I also think your descriptions will help us all laugh at ourselves and get on with our lives.
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No need to feel guilty – It’s all so funny! Then, life goes on!!
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You are such a joy and a blessing, Barb. Thank you for your insights and humor, your blog gets me through the day. Hope your sack is better today!
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Thanks, Charl! Back is better every day and I’m still smiling!
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Ditto to all the previous replies! You are one in a million Barb! Love you lots!
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This blog is always so good but I especially loved this entry! You are one in a million I selfishly wish you still worked with me!! Reading this is going to have to do! Thanks as always for the chuckle, we’ll laugh out loud if you must know.
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Thanks, Brenda! I don’t wish to return to work but I sure do miss my colleagues!
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OMG this is sooo funny; I had to send it to my sisters and they LOVED IT. Think I’ll start sending them some of your blogs. See ya Thursday. Don’t bring any moths in your panties.
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Thanks for the laugh,Judie! And please share the blog whenever you can! See you on the 21st!
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Such a sad day, but it will make a better day seem twice as good in reflection.reflection . hope your pain is eased soon Babs
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Thanks, Deanna! Feeling much better!
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I am sorry your back was hurting and sorry I laughed thru this blig but it was only because I could picture you telling the story. ❤️
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Thanks, Kim! Don’t feel badly – It was meant to be funny!!
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